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By Tom King,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]
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I finally figured him out. I know what he really wants – to be nurtured in a motherly way. If I kiss his head,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], hold him tight and let him feel loved he eats it up. I guess this makes sense based on lack of love from his own mother when he was a kid.
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This flash of insight came from a client of mine who has been working on her own development for some time. Feeling pushed into marriage before she was really ready, she held resentment inside and resisted the idea of loving her partner in ways that meet his needs and communicate in his love language. She came to realize she now has choices and one is to leave or stay. Having made the conscious choice to stay in her marriage,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], at least for now,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], allowed her to be more open to finding ways to make it work. She decided if she’s going to be in this marriage she might as well try to be happy and have the best marriage she can. As she took responsibility for her own choices,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], behavior, and attitudes, things began to improve. She started listening to what his words and actions communicated about his needs and desires. She started to take more action,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], such as being willing to sit with him and cuddle on the coach. But when she followed her instincts and started to caress him like she would nurture a child then the magic happened. His attitude changed,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], his mood brightened and he wanted to make her happy in return.
Her love language is gifts,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and she is aware of how this was conditioned by her mother and family. She has learned there are many other ways to give and receive love but she still feels special when someone thinks enough of her to buy her a thoughtful gift. As it so often happens, it is hard for her husband to express love in this way because he is tight with money and it seems frivolous to spend it on things they don’t really need. To her this feels controlling,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], which frustrates her and make her feel unloved. However, when she started being more nurturing,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], he suddenly loosened the wallet and started to buy her little things to show his affection and appreciation.
What is getting in your way of meeting your partner’s primary needs and desires?You may be thinking that it is ridiculous to treat your husband like a child but that is not the point. This client knows her husband needs to stand on his own feet and learn to manage his own emotions and in most ways he is quite independent. But,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], making the choice to love and nurture him in ways that feel good deep down while maintaining respect for her and him is a healthy expression of affection. We can’t leave our dependency needs behind until we find constructive ways to get those needs met and then grow beyond them. The beauty of intimate relationships is that they contain the potential to help us become the best of who we are.
Meditation: Is there something within me that is resisting loving my partner in ways that will help him or her be happier and healthier? I will respond with patience and love to myself and my partner and allow room for both of us to grow and mature.
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It can be sobering to discover that our behavior is not what we would like it to be. We may discover that we are treating those we love the most, worse than we treat strangers. But awareness,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], even though it may be unpleasant,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], creates an opportunity for growth. We can change what we need to change, so that the answer to the question, what is it like to live with me? is positive rather than negative.
By Susan Derry
See all Articles by Susan DerrySee Susan Derry&#039,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych];s Expert PageGet Updates on Relationship AdviceGet Updates on Susan Derry Average: 2.6 Your rating: None Average: 2.6 (5 votes) Tweet
I often have clients say, “All I said was . . .” followed by an innocent sounding remark. But their partner insists that that was not how they said it,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], that their tone and body language was different, changing the meaning of their statement completely. Couples often find themselves playing the you said this, no that is not what I said game.
Occasionally, it is helpful to get a reality check about how we are perceived by others. We may think that because we love our partner that they know it and feel it. But if we were to take a step back and consider our behavior and the messages we send and how those are received by our partner; we may find there is a disconnect between how we want to be seen by our partner and how our partner actually sees us. If we want to be seen as loving, generous and kind; are we behaving in loving, generous and kind ways?
For one day keep track of the messages that you give to your partner. At the end of the day, sort the messages into positive and negative. Be completely honest with yourself. I am less interested in the words you spoke,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], than I am in how you said them and what feeling was behind your words.
We are affected by the feelings inside our partner at the time.
The verbal component of communication provides only a small portion of the meaning. The exact same words spoken by your partner when they are cheerful and happy, will take on a totally different meaning if they were spoken when they were despondent, angry, or frustrated. Whether your partner is open about their negative feelings or not, you will get the underlying message as well as the one they deliver.
The words, “I just love the way you did that.” change meaning depending on the underlying feelings,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], tone of voice,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], facial expression and body language. Body language often gives clues to how people are feeling. That message delivered with crossed arms,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], snarling lips and feeling of exasperation means the exact opposite of the same words delivered while leaning slightly forward, smiling and feeling grateful. The first instance is definitely giving a negative message and the second is an example of a positive message.
Some possible reasons that we find ourselves disagreeing about who said what and what was meant include the following:
We hear what our partner says through our internal filter system.
How we hear and interpret what our partner says, may depend on how they and others have behaved in our past. It also depends on the beliefs that we have formed about our partner over time. If,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], for example your partner has lied to you in the past or has disappointed you frequently you may begin to hear everything they say through a “Yeah right,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], I'll believe it when I see it.” filter.
Author's Bio:
We are affected by the feelings inside of us at the time.
If we are tired,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], hungry, frustrated (by our partner,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], children or someone else), stressed, etc. we will be much more likely to react badly to something our partner says. We are much more resilient when we are well rested, comfortable and feeling positive.
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By Deborah Pokorny
See all Articles by Deborah PokornySee Deborah Pokorny's Expert PageGet Updates on Insomnia and Sleep DisordersGet Updates on Deborah Pokorny Average: 0 Your rating: None Tweet
Stress is a normal reaction to the variant pressures of life. There is positive stress that helps us better ourselves and work efficiently. There are also multiple negative stressors that we are exposed to that cause anxiety. Some of these negative stressors cause anger,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], personal conflict, relationships and financial problems. Some negative stressors are self-induced like alcohol consumption, caffeine, drugs and other medications. Vitamin deficiencies are often over looked as stressors. Lack of vitamin b12 leads to unjust stress and anxiety.
People keep running to the doctor for instant gratification. People want the doctor to correct the stress and anxiety on the spot,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. There are plenty of anti-depressants on the market to help treat the symptom of stress but it doesn’t’ make the problem go away. Medication costs you time and money and doesn’t fix your daily stressors,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
Diet is always overlooked when dealing with stress,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. Our lives are consumed with self-involved tasks and duties that tax us physically and emotionally. You can maintain the reactions you naturally have with common stress without running to the doctor for a quick fix.
Eating healthy and replenishing your body with the nutrients that it needs to work as a well-oiled machine is your best solution for reducing stress and managing stressful situations. If you want to act productively through your everyday tasks then remember to fill your body with organic nutrients,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. Medications and magic pills are only illusions that train your body to act differently.
There is an extensive list of different herbs and tea that can help reduce your stress. Some of the more effective herbs the Chinese use are Schisandra Fruit, Cyperus,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Acorus, Licorice, Jujube. Also magnesium is very helpful in relaxing the body. Valerian, Ashwagandha,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Lemon Balm may also be helpful. It’s interesting to know that most of the solutions these plants offer are extracted and chemically engineered as additive in pharmaceutical research. Why pay for prescriptions when you can get the real, organic chemical makeup from these valuable herbs?
Society is extremely pressured and everyone is becoming irritable,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], because they are trying to keep up with the fast pace of the economy, and technologies that influence our lives. Stress sets off a chain reaction emotionally and physically. Nerves inspire sudden headaches,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], tremors and increased heart rates and stress will also age you quicker and degrade your body faster than usual.
It’s important to give your body the right tools to combat stress,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and stay ahead of stress in your life. Exercise is a great way to shed off daily stress naturally with positive side effects. Exercise lets you excrete and cleanse garbage from your system. Exercise coupled with a good diet of natural organic herbal remedies will also benefit and support the cleansing process and support the nervous system against stress. Experiment and see what types of herbs and exercise combinations help you. Everyone is different so it may take a few different methods to prove the results you desire when dealing with stress. Stress is always a good,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], when it motivates us to strive to be a better person. We can reduce negative stress by staying healthy with exercise and diet.
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Your Ultimate Goals
Taking your own feelings into consideration is just as important as those of your son and his
father. Spend some time to think about the following questions and consider reaching out to
friends, support groups,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], or a therapist to discuss the following:
Describe the best qualities of your son(s)
What are you most proud of as a mother?
What is your biggest concern/frustration/heart break with your son(s)?
How does your relationship with your son’s father affect your relationship with your son?
How is rearing a son(s) different than rearing a daughter(s),[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]?
How have you learned to stay connected with your son(s),[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]?
What advice would you give a mother with a younger son(s)?
Is it useful to talk to other mothers about your son(s)?
Your ultimate goal is much like that of every loving mother: A healthy, strong son who has a
loving relationship with both you and his father. While it’s an on ongoing challenge, it’s one
worthy of both parents.
“My son wants to live with his Dad; what do I do?”
Suddenly the joint custody arrangement you shared with your ex-husband no longer meets your
child’s needs – at least in his mind – and he has made the decision that he’d like to live with his
father full time.
While to your son this may seem a logical request, to you, it signals the end of a relationship and
the closeness you once shared – and you may even be taken aback at the emotions you’re
feeling and unsure where to turn.
The reality is that we all change as we grow and develop, but while you may have noticed certain
developmental changes taking place in your son, this request from seemingly left-field, has the
potential to be particularly hurtful to you.
I’d like to share with you several critical strategies for coping with your son’s request and the
feelings that may arise for you, and for maintaining – indeed strengthening – the bond you share.
Strengthen the Bond You Share
In order to cope with your son’s wish to live with his father and this challenging situation, you
must take care of your own needs and desires while remaining calm and meeting those of your
son as well. Communication is key to learn what’s at the core of his request, as is being realistic
about your son’s developmental needs and the relationship you share with your son’s father.
Keep in mind that the mother/son bond is strong,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. Actor James Dean once commented on his
rebellious, troubled nature by saying, “My mother died on me when I was nine years old. What
does she expect me to do? Do It alone?”
And of course we’re confronted with daily reminders of the complexities of joint custody out of
Hollywood with entertainers like Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Pete Wentz and Ashlee
Simpson, Gabriel Aubry and Halle Barry, and of course one of the most famous couples Kevin
Federline and Brittney Spears, attempting to establish a “working” parental relationship with their
wives, while seeking custody of their sons.
While your circumstance may not play out in the headlines, it’s no less heartbreaking and
emotional. The bond between mother and son though, cannot be broken by a simple change of
address. This is an opportunity to strengthen, rather than diminish, your bond with your son.
Recognize Your Son’s Developmental Needs
Your son’s needs become more complex as he ages. Many of the needs he may be trying to
meet can be difficult and as women, we can only speculate as to the culture that a boy must
navigate when growing into a man,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
During your time together, you’ve taught him certain things he must know to be a kind,
compassionate man as he matures, taking care with the small lessons that present themselves
daily: Opening doors for a lady, listening, taking others feelings into consideration – a myriad of
lessons only you can teach,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
His father has the ability to teach him other skills necessary that we, as mothers, cannot– most
typically through modeling. Confidence, risk taking, how to treat women and develop respect for
his body are just several of the skills his father can impart. Bonding between father and son is as
critical to your son’s development as a man, as the bond the two of you share.
Having said this,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], it’s important to point out that it’s just this potential for modeling that keeps many
woman from recognizing any positive aspect of a relationship between father and son.
As one woman asked, “How can I protect my son from my husband’s “modeling”? Indeed, it’s
unnerving to even entertain the thought that a person with whom you have conflict or even
animosity towards, could be in any way a role model for your son.
In this case, it’s advisable to examine the relationship that you have with your ex-husband and
begin to separate that from his abilities as a father. There are certain aspects of his personality
that attracted you at one time. Perhaps these should be readdressed so you can form a more
non-emotional view and not allow the conflicts that may still be present to cloud the relationship
your son could build and enjoy with his father.
Uncover the Reason Behind the Request
A boy’s needs are different as they age and his request to live with his father may, in his mind,
meet those needs more readily than what you can provide him as a woman.
Children – even 6’2” adult looking children – live in the moment. They tend to feel, act, and think
in their own best interest; this is necessary developmentally to become their own person. This
though, carries its own hazards, such as hurting others, even unconsciously.
It’s important to consider the reason for your son’s request to live with his father and this takes
communication. So, what are the possible avenues to explore?
Perhaps it’s a surface type of desire like the almost vacation-like atmosphere of part-time living
that he may experience with his father currently.
The time frame that most fathers have custody of their kids is Saturday and Sunday, two days of
fun in anyone’s week! Once the reality of a Monday through Friday schedule along with school,
chores, and after-school work is experience, the novelty of being in a different environment may
begin to wear off.
Another important aspect of weekend custody is that everyone is on their “best behavior” – easily
accomplished when there is such limited contact. Behavior changes though, when contact is
more regular and prolonged with discipline and expectations becoming more of a factor,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
So, perhaps it’s more freedom from “rules” your son is seeking, or perhaps the promise of the use
of a car, etc. Whatever the reason – try to listen.
And then there are the deeper needs he may be seeking: Perhaps he needs to establish a bond
with his father as he has with you. This is a good thing. Whatever conflicts and emotions that
may remain, or may still be in play with your ex-husband,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], your son has one father and in all
circumstances, a strong, loving relationships with both parents is the best situation for him.
Suggested Reading for Parents of Sons
Giving the Love that Heals,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Harville Hendrix, PhD
The Roller Coaster Years, Charlene C. Giannetti and Margaret Sagarese
How to Say It to Boys, Richard Heyman, Ed.D
Real Boys, William Pollack, PhD
Strong Mothers, Strong Sons, Ann F. Caron, Ed.D.
Raising a Son,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Don Elium and Jeanne Elium
Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys, Dan Kindlon, Ph.D.
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Who Should Not Use Magnets
Though, as this article proves, magnets are beneficial to the health of many- there are individuals who should not use magnets. These individuals include:
• Pregnant women
• People who use a medical device such as a pacemaker, de?brillator, or insulin pump and,
• People who use a patch that delivers medication through the skin (Unfortunately, magnets may cause dilation of blood vessels, which could affect the delivery of the medicine.)
If you are unsure whether or not you can use magnets consult your natural health care provider.
The Health Benefit of Magnets
The concept of using magnets for health and healing is a relatively new concept in North America, however there is nothing new about the idea that magnets have the ability to promote healing. They’ve been used in this capacity for hundreds of years and are commonly used in Eastern countries today. Despite this, magnetic therapy is considered an alternative therapy and no medical claims can officially be made relating to its bene?ts. Nevertheless,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], there are many studies that show the positive effect of magnets on:
• Fibromyalgia
• Diabetic neuropathy
• Cancer
• Multiple sclerosis
• Arthritis
• Blood circulation
• Pain management
• Recovery from injuries
• General healing and post operative-recovery
• Sleep
What Is Magnetism?
What To Look For In A Magnet
Not all magnets are created equal. Design is very important in order for the magnet to provide you with health benefits. Here are some basic guidelines to look for:
• An equilateral design –equal in length and angles to create a consistent magnetic field.
• Magnets between 300 – 5000 Gauss, if being used for pain management.
Scientists have recorded a decline in the strength of the Earth’s magnetic field over the past 165 years. Today the magnetic field of the Earth is about 0.5 Gauss. It is estimated that 4000 years ago, the strength of the Earth’s field was 5.0 Gauss. This is a significant decline. Since the Earths magnetic field is depleting, our bodies are not always able to achieve the magnetic resonance necessary to restore and rejuvenate our organs and tissues. This leaves us at risk for illness.
Author's Bio:
Magnetism is a force of attraction (or repulsion) that acts at a distance. Any time a charged particle moves, it creates a magnetic field around its path of travel. The term magnetism refers to the phenomenon associated with a magnetic field, and the magnetic force that it causes. The magnetic force exerted between two magnetic poles can be beneficial or detrimental depending on the circumstance.
The Benefits of Magnetic Sleep
Because the Earth’s magnetic ?eld has decreased, the idea behind a magnetic bed is to restore the natural effect of the Earth’s magnetic field. Sleeping on a magnetic bed recharges your body in the same way you recharge your cell phone battery at night.
How to “Attract” Better Health
A magnet is made up of one positive and one negative pole – North and South. Since each pole attracts molecules with an opposing charge, and since our bodies are made up of molecules that are both positively and negatively charged, it is believed that a magnet on our body can lead to improved blood ?ow. By improving blood ?ow, our cells are better able to absorb oxygen, get access to more essential nutrients, clear the body of toxic waste, and speed up the repair of damaged tissues.
Besides increasing blood circulation, other theories on why magnets bene?t the body include:
• Having an effect on iron in the blood
• Altering the body’s pH balance
• Improving electrical conductivity of cells
• Stimulating new cell growth
The Danger of Too Much Exposure to EMF’s
The technological age that we live in has us exposed to negative EMF’s everyday and at higher and stronger levels than ever. Being overexposed to EMF’s can have some harmful effects on your health and well-being:
• You can put yourself at risk for developing chronic ailments as the magnetic resonance in your body can be overridden by electric frequencies, thus impeding the ability of your organs and tissues to repair themselves.
• Electromagnetic fields can cause electromagnetic stress on our bodies.
The Earth as a Magnetic Source
The Earth is meant to provide a steady magnetic field that our bodies can draw upon to enhance molecular reactions.
Our Brain as a Magnetic Source
Our brain cells have the capability to generate electricity and produce a pulsed, electromagnetic field with efficiency. When the brain’s pulsed magnetic frequency matches the frequencies of various tissues and organs, the brain and the Earth work together to create “magnetic resonance”. When magnetic resonance occurs, this allows the body to repair damaged cells,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], make enzymes and enhance immunity.
Magnetic resonance is what enables MRI’s (Magnetic Resonance Imaging) to allow us to view inside our bodies. The MRI measures the vibrations within our bodies thereby creating an image.
By Dr. Nathalie Beauchamp
See all Articles by Dr. Nathalie BeauchampSee Dr. Nathalie Beauchamp&#039,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych];s Expert PageGet Updates on Health EducationGet Updates on Dr. Nathalie Beauchamp Average: 4 Your rating: None Average: 4 (1 vote) Tweet
What Does Magnetism Have To Do With My Health?
To be honest, there are many conflicting views when it comes to magnetism, and its relation to our health and well being. Human beings are in fact magnetic beings,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and we are surrounded by electromagnetic fields that can influence our health,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], both positively and negatively. Read on to see how different types of magnetism can affect you…
What Magnetic Sources Do You Encounter Daily?
Think of all the sources of magnetism you are exposed to on a daily, or nearly daily basis: cell phones,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], microwaves, televisions, computer monitors, fluorescent lights, power lines, and the list goes on and on! Though their negative affects may not be imminent,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], they are present. Te following provides you with a few steps you can take to decrease your exposure to EMF’s:
• Avoid buying a house near high voltage power lines or a power site;
• Avoid unnecessary computer usage – they emit electromagnetic ,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]?elds from all sides;
• Avoid carrying your cell phone or personal assistant device on your person all day;
• Use your cell phone on speakerphone when possible;
• Find a headset that offers electromagnetic radiation reduction (air tube). Do your research on this one, as some technologies will emit even more radiation;
• Choose a device with the lowest SAR (Speci,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]?c Absorption Rate) possible that measures the strength of the magnetic ,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]?eld absorbed by the body. SAR rankings are available online;
• Avoid sleeping with an electric blanket;
• Avoid being in an environment of ,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]?uorescent light all day – incandescent light is much less harmful;
• Limit your use of a microwave oven as it may even affect the molecules of the food you eat. If you do, use safe materials like glass to microwave your food;
• Limit your TV use and avoid sleeping in front of one all night,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych];
• Limit your use of personal electric appliances such as electric razors and hairdryers.
Natural Sources (Positive Source)
There are only two sources of natural magnetism available to us – our brain and the earth.
Sources of Magnetism
Magnetism is a universal source. It has been established that all living cells are electromagnetic by nature. There are two sources of magnetism:
A Magnetic Sleep system also works by stimulating the pineal gland in the brain which produces the hormone melatonin, the hormone responsible for regulating sleep patterns. Studies have shown that when people use magnetic pads, their pineal gland is stimulated and they experience improved sleep.
Electromagnetic Fields (EMF’s) (Negative Source)
An electromagnetic field is a combination of an electric field and a magnetic field that is produced by an electrically charged object. EMF’s can have a much higher and harmful frequency than natural sources of magnetism and they can also pollute our air, water and food.
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It’s certainly a bold vision and perhaps one I may not see realized in my own lifetime. Zora Neale Hurston wrote that her mother exhorted her to “jump at the sun,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. You might not land there but at least you will get your feet off the ground,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].” Visioning isn’t so much about attaining exactly what we envision as it is about changing the dream we dream by questioning our current circumstances and imagining how things could be different.
By Barry Lipscomb
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It’s that time of year again when we look back to what we accomplished over the past year and forward to what we wish to do in the next twelve months. For many years this has been an important time of reflection and goal setting for me but this year I’m approaching it a bit differently – by first looking at the really big picture to envision the changes I would like to see in the world and then working back from that vision to imagine how I might participate in this evolving view. It’s a multi-dimensional perspective of an integrated and holistic world experience with a re-visioning of five major institutions of modern life, the resulting impact on each individual and how we might participate along the way.
An Economy that sustains itself and our existence without the addictive practice of consumerism – producing services and substance that enrich our experience rather than so many goods that are thrown away too quickly,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. It refocuses our attention on living prosperously rather than accumulating abundance – and distributes equitably rather than rewarding the lucky few.
The Financial Markets fund and support a vibrant economy without being an economy of their own – connecting those with money to lend or invest with those having ideas and goods worthy of investment – rather than continually moving the same money around and around without any concern for what the business actually does or even a desire to influence or affect how it operates. In short,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the financial sectors support and serve the economy without dominating, controlling or manipulating it.
A forward-thinking Government that turns its back on being manipulated by special interests and instead uses its power of taxation and regulation to encourage behaviors that support a sustainable future and positive, equitable existence for all.
The Education System prepares students for the 21st century by abandoning a system of memorizing data for one that teaches us to better know our own selves, understand the dynamics of the world in which we live and to continually learn; while teaching how to access and use data when we need it rather than attempting to know it forever.
Our Healthcare System actually addresses and heals that which really ails us through a holistic approach to treatment with attention to both symptomatic conditions and the greater disconnection from our higher selves.
Now,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], imagine similar transformations across other structures and institutions of modern life. The result is a thriving populace living sustainably across all measures of being – connected, contributing and conscious – with little recall of an earlier time of feeling un-empowered,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], defeated, insignificant or disregarded.
The world I imagine is connected in co-operation; operating consciously and sustainably. Seeing ourselves as more similar than different,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], we realize we are all in this together and that our collective survival is contingent on our individual thriving. And rather than attempting to dominate the environment,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], we see ourselves as stewards of the planet we inhabit. To illustrate how this might look,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], I have re-visioned five of the major institutions of modern life within this worldview.
Author's Bio:&nbsp,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych];
As we move into the New Year,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], I encourage you to envision the world differently in some way. Then consider what actions – however small – you might take to move in the direction of that vision. And in so doing,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], may we all get our feet off the ground.
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The latest phase of ascension started with the shift in energies on November 11th,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. A new influx of higher energy permeated Earth’s thick atmosphere and began to break up the palpable negativity at a molecular level,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. I remember feeling phenomenally energized that day.
Sunday and Monday were really trying days for me. I felt the anxiety and stress welling up inside me, and once again I was feeling trapped, vulnerable and powerless. In the darkness I called out for help. That is when the Goddess Kali answered. I found myself re-energized, strengthened, fortified and readied for battle. Kali is the Hindu Goddess of eternal energy. She embodies time and change. Her image is one of dichotomy. She epitomizes death and destruction while at the same time exuding nurturing, motherly energy. I found myself clothed head-to-toe in black and carrying Goddess stones in lieu of my ethereal angelic crystals. At first I was confused by this change in energy. Then it occurred to me that the Goddess Kali was helping to break down the old energies in order to make way for the new. Destruction is a vital phase in the process of ascension.
Then, Friday the 13th rolled around. I am not superstitious,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], so the date did not bother me; however, this was one Friday the 13th that I will not soon forget. I awoke to a feeling of dread. To say I was upset would be an understatement. My logical mind couldn’t comprehend the reason for my soul’s angst so it externalized the fear by focusing on my debts. I developed an almost paralyzing fear of lack. This in turn caused me to pray to the angels and God to just take me Home. My angels told me that I had to be brave and tackle my fears.
November has been a challenging month. Each of us,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], including Mother Earth, is going through a process known as Ascension. We are increasing the vibratory rate of our energy field in order to match the higher frequencies of Spirit. To put it in simpler terms,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], think of a radio dial. We are in the process of changing stations from the lower end of the radio dial to the higher frequencies. Since Spirit communicates on a higher wave length, your new attunement will improve your ability to receive messages from the Other Side. This improvement in Spirit communication will help us all overcome our feelings of fear, isolation,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], confusion, anger and sadness by providing us with unconditional love and Divine guidance.
On Saturday, I found myself arguing with my angels, I finally realized that everything in life truly happens for a reason. Good or bad, it is all part of our soul’s growth. You have to be able to see through the pain and fear in order to find the lesson. Once learned, the pain and fear disappears. By naming your fears, you minimize and ultimately let them go. It also helps to realize that it is not your fears that make you unhappy; it’s your inability to look them squarely in the eye and not flinch. Being able to talk about my fear of debt instead of hiding from it actually gave me the power to fix it. I started thinking up creative and fun ways to generate money instead of dwelling on the concept of lack.
On Wednesday, sanity returned once more. I did a thorough clearing of my energy along with a space clearing. That,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], coupled with a good grounding meditation, worked wonders. I then filled the house with the light and love of God, saying over and over again, “I am a perfect child of God. I am of the light. I am in the light. I radiate light. I AM the light!” I felt 100% better. This clarity of mind ushered in new understanding. I realized that I had spent the past two days purging old negativity from my cellular memory. I was literally burning off old karmic debt in order to move to a higher vibrational frequency. In other words,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], I was letting go of the old (dark / negativity) in order to embrace the new (light and love).
After being plagued with insomnia once again (I’ve not slept well since the last influx of energy on 9-11) I awoke at 2 a.m. on Monday, and proceeded to have an emotional meltdown. I felt like I was trapped inside a living hell. All my old demons were bubbling to the surface. I was bone-cold despite turning the heat up and running my space heater full blast. I couldn’t hear or sense my angels at all. Thoughts of suicide were running through my mind and I was begging God to take me home. This went on for 48 hours or so, with me cycling through a different emotion every minute. I lay on the coach and cried; or rather, tried to cry. I couldn’t muster enough enthusiasm. I just felt wretched, angry, frightened, abandoned, and full of despair. I even felt possessed by a lower entity and, at times, I thought I was having a heart attack. My heart was racing so fast I couldn’t breathe. I was a wreck.
The degree to which you feel the effects of the ascension depends on your level of sensitivity. No matter how intense or mild your symptoms,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], it is vitally important that we band together. Don’t let fear destroy your happiness. Communicate with others. Reach out, share your experiences, and ask for help. Don’t suffer in silence. Even if you don’t understand why you feel anxious, talk about it with a friend. Chances are you’re not alone! Don’t fear the darkness. It’s bound to the light in perfect balance, like the yin-yang energy of our duality. Remember, it is always darkest before the dawn. This phase will soon pass.
By Kim Hutchinson
See all Articles by Kim HutchinsonSee Kim Hutchinson's Expert PageGet Updates on Spiritual GrowthGet Updates on Kim Hutchinson Average: 3,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].333335 Your rating: None Average: 3.3 (3 votes) Tweet
The week of Nov. 11 – 17
Come Thursday, I was feeling invincible! Instead of breaking me down,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the turmoil of the past week only made me stronger. In the morning, I had a vision of being a clear quartz crystal. Inside,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], I was filled with a sparkling rose-coloured light (Divine love) that resembled pink champagne. The bubbles were actually angel energy. Surrounding the crystal was a bright sphere of Divine golden light. The light would rhythmically pulsate, sending sonic waves outward in all directions, breaking up negativity at a molecular level.
My Advice to You
The week of Nov. 18 – 25
Today I feel better and more even-keeled. I am still receiving emails from Lightworkers in distress though, so I know this bumpy ride isn’t over yet.
In love and light,
Kim
Author's Bio:
Lightworkers are on the leading edge of this accelerated evolutionary shift. They are fulfilling their soul’s purpose by helping to bridge the gap between Heaven and Earth. This change, while incredibly beneficial, is also stressful. Everyone is feeling a degree of anxiety or a sense of anticipation. For ultra-sensitive Lightworkers though, this shift can feel like an out-of-control roller coaster ride. I know this to be true as I have felt the effects firsthand. I would like to share my experiences with you:
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Let’s look at some facts about ADD and ADHD: people have long observed a cluster of symptoms that occur in a person of average or above average intelligence who seems unable to function in a competent, masterful way.

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My last sentence is a deliberately loaded one. The normal person doesn’t see or experience reality. The normal person perceives their own version of reality through the fog of their own internal baggage and the relentless noise of random thought that research proves is predominantly negative. To make matters even worse, the normal person’s resultant behaviour, based on a completely false understanding of reality, is nothing more than an automatic,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], pre-programmed knee-jerk reaction to what he or she perceives as reality. And, more often than not,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], reacting to something makes things worse, not better. That’s what’s currently going on in our economic, political, professional and personal lives. That’s why these desperate times have become so perceptibly desperate.
From talking to clients in various countries, from talking to radio talk-show hosts, from following the latest news it could be said that we live in desperate times. And,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], as the old saying goes, desperate times call for desperate measures. No they don’t. What people need now is a sharper and clearer understanding of the reality of the here and now, rather than continuously wallowing in the perceived desperation of today’s apparent reality.
If you’re working, if you have a job,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], how effective are you going to be at that job if you’re living with the fear that you might lose that job? How much of you is actively engaged in doing your job if you’re entertaining those fearful thoughts? Research would suggest that about 1% of you is actively involved in doing that job of yours. Do you think anyone who only puts 1% in deserves to keep their job? (It’s OK,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], all the other normal people, wasting their energy on useless, self-destructive thoughts,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], are only putting 1% in as well, so no one will notice!). On a practical, daily, sanity-saving level, what in God’s name is the point of fear? Fear is not real, fear does not exist. The well-known book, “Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway” has led thousands of people astray. There is no fear other than in the mind of the fearful person. If you have a job and you’re wasting your mental energy on fear of losing it,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], you deserve to lose it. Cop yourself on, pull yourself together tell fear where to go next time it comes out to play.
By Willie Horton
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If you’ve lost your job, it’s an opportunity. Perhaps it’s the opportunity of a lifetime, an opportunity to do the things that really turn you on. Imagine, you might end up doing what your heart desires which means that you’ll never have to work another day in your whole life – because, when you’re doing what you love, it’s not work. If you’ve lost your nest-egg, it’s gone, it is what it is. You may believe yourself to have been stupid or greedy in the manner in which you invested, you may blame someone else. It doesn’t matter who you’re blaming,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], it is what it is, it’s in the past – the only way you’ll better your situation is be learning from the past and moving on to the here and now – and the very real opportunities that the here and now presents you with (if you stop perceiving the here and now through that normal fog we talked about earlier).
So, you, in your life, have to call a halt to normal behaviour for you.
You may think that you’re desperate,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], you may actually be desperate, but desperate times do not call for desperate measures – they call for the simple changes in how we use our mind that will enable us see what’s going on – minus the mental fog. Spend five minutes every morning (yes every morning, do you think you might be worth it?) developing your innate ability to perceive reality through paying full attention to what you see, feel,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], hear, smell and taste. You can do it on the train, do it in a coffee shop, do it in the park – but you’ve got to do it because, until you start paying attention to the reality of the moment and, as a consequence, stop paying attention to the crap in your head, you will never change your life - you will never rise to the heights that can otherwise be effortlessly reached.
Yes, the world economy has suffered its historically most seismic earthquake. Yes, people have lost their jobs. Yes, people have lost their homes. Yes, many people who still have jobs are living in fear. These are realities brought about by the warped perceptions of normal people. But if we continually react to these realities in the normal fashion, things won’t get any better (we perceive that they will get better, but that’s nothing other than the normal myopia that tells us that the next unsustainable boom will actually be realistically sustainable!). My point is that things don’t get better as a result of normal reactive behaviour, they get worse.
Now, you may well say to me that what I’ve written is all very fine – but there are bills to pay, hungry mouths to be fed, children to be educated – there’s a long list. I’d just like to point out that many of my clients have quite explicitly told me that they listen to and learn from what I say, because I do not talk about anything that I haven’t experienced myself. The space available in this article would be far too short to enable me tell you all the stupid, normal mistakes that I’ve made, or the hurtful, normal disasters that have befallen me. But, hey,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], here I am, writing this article, from my beautiful alpine chalet, perched on the shoulder of Mont Blanc. I know the difference between useless normal thought and fear and useful, practical and life-changing clarity of mind. I know where feeling sorry for yourself can take you and I also know,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], first-hand, where a clear and present mind will lead you. So do my clients.
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It is very painful for all of us when someone just wants what they want and doesn't care about what we want or what we feel is right for us. It is painful when others want to use us or take advantage of us. So you might be protecting yourself against the heartache of knowing that another doesn't care about you by giving in,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], getting angry,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], or shutting down.
&quot,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych];I'm afraid of ending up with no friends,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. People will reject me if I say no."
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. - Official Guide to Love
The official guide to Relationship Advice See all Articles by Margaret PaulSee Margaret Paul's Expert PageGet Updates on Personal DevelopmentGet Updates on Margaret Paul Average: 4.5 Your rating: None Average: 4.5 (2 votes) Tweet
"I'm afraid of hurting their feelings. Then they will get angry at me and I will feel like a bad person,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]."
Author's Bio:
Ron is terrified of being taken advantage of. He believes that if he is open hearted, he will be vulnerable to being used and taken advantage of by others. Because he doesn't want to face his fears of rejection should he say "no" to his family, his friends, his co-workers, or even to a persistent salesperson,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], he keeps himself safe by being closed, hard, and aloof. He believes that by being unapproachable, he is safe from being taken advantage of. However, he then ends up experiencing the very rejection he is afraid of, because people are put off by his aloofness. Not only that,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but keeping himself closed and hard cuts him off from connection and fun with others. All this can change for Ron if he learns to take responsibility for himself by saying "no" when this is what is in his highest good.
However, when you are afraid to stand up for yourself and say "no" when saying "no" is what is in your highest good, then you might put walls around yourself to avoid having to say "No."
Gayle finds herself going along with want others want her to do, and saying the things that she thinks others want to hear, because she is so afraid of others' anger at her. But giving herself up feels awful to her, so after a while, she gets angry and shuts down as a way to protect herself from losing herself. She spends all this energy giving herself up, and then getting angry and shutting down, to avoid having to say "no."
What are you afraid of if you say "No" to people? Here are some of the things my clients have told me regarding their fear of saying no:
For example, Janice keeps herself 50 pounds overweight because it makes her feel safe from men approaching her for sex. A beautiful woman who was abused as a child, she never learned that it is her responsibility to take care of her own feelings and safety,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], rather than take responsibility for others' feelings. She is so afraid of hurting a man's feelings by saying "no," that she would rather attempt to protect herself by being overweight than have to face saying "no."
As a child,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], did you experience the heartbreak of rejection or even of abuse if you said "no" to a parent, a sibling, a friend or relative? Did you learn that either going along with what someone wanted,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], having a temper tantrum,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], or shutting down and numbing out were ways to avoid the feeling of heartbreak at not being able to say no?
Moving into personal power and emotional freedom means being willing to take the risk of others' uncaring or rejecting behavior and learning to manage the heartache of this,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], rather than continue to abandon yourself.
But the irony of this is that when you try to avoid the heartache of feeling another's uncaring behavior, you are not caring about yourself. You are abandoning yourself when you give yourself up or close your heart to avoid feeling rejected. By avoiding others' rejection, you are rejecting yourself, which causes much anxiety and depression.
"I'm afraid that my partner will get angry and withdraw his love."
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Psychotherapy is an effective treatment to overcome chronic panic attacks. This kind of treatment helps sufferers to fully understand their disorder and teaches them methods to manage their symptoms and how to deal with their negative thoughts. Psychotherapy alone can be very effective but in severe cases, it is combined with medications. The success of this treatment depends on the active participation of the patient on the treatment plans designed by his or her mental health provider. Exposure therapy is one method that helps patients to gradually face their fears and eventually control or overcome their irrational fears.
There are a number of treatments to overcome chronic panic attacks. With the proper treatment you can get rid of the disabling symptoms of panic disorder and you can live a fulfilling life. Panic attacks symptoms can be treated by medications. Antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications are commonly prescribed for anxiety or panic disorder. Medications cannot cure mental disorders but can be very helpful to control its symptoms for sufferers to function normally on their daily lives. Taking medications for a long period of time can result to a number of side effects like dizziness,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], upset stomach and headache and it may also result to addiction. It is important to always follow the advice of your doctor in taking medications.
It is also important to help yourself to overcome panic attacks,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. Learn more about your disorder and know your triggers,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. Find out how you can manage and overcome your triggers. Joining a counseling group is one way to talk to people with the same experiences,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. Talking to other people experiencing the same disorder can be very helpful,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. You will learn more from each other and there is a feeling that you are not alone.
It is a necessity to find ways to overcome chronic panic attacks and reclaim your life,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
It is not uncommon to experience intense terror once faced with terrifying situations. It is a natural reaction to panic and feel fear when there is real danger. This kind of panic is short-lived and very rational due to the presence of real danger or frightening situations. However,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], if you are experiencing recurring panic attacks without logical reasons or with the absence of real danger,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], you might be suffering from a mental disorder called panic disorder. Millions of people are suffering from this disorder and it is important to find ways to overcome chronic panic attacks before it can totally interfere with your daily life.
People suffering from frequent panic attacks may become home-bound. With the symptoms associated with panic attacks like chest pain,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], increased heartbeat,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], sweating, trembling, difficulty breathing, intense desire to flee and feeling of going crazy,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], it can be really difficult for sufferers to function normally on their everyday lives. Proper diagnosis is important because your symptoms might be a cause of other health issues like heart and thyroid problems. It is best to rule out possible physical health problems before taking the necessary treatment to overcome chronic panic attacks. If panic disorder is the reason behind the frequent panic attacks,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the good news is that panic disorder is a very treatable condition. It is important to get professional help. Licensed mental health professionals like psychologists, psychiatrists and therapists are the people trained to diagnose and treat mental disorders like panic disorder.
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Cocaine Use,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]
Suicide and Suicide Attempts
Family Variables
Teenage substance abuse affects physical,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], psychological and social development. Researchers have found no specific causal factors for teenage substance abuse. Studies reveal substance abuse is influenced by a complicated, interacting system of sociological, psychological and biological variables (Denton and Kampfe Summer 1994).
1,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. Family drug usage patterns and
2. The family environment (Denton and Kampfe Summer 1994)
How do family variables influence teenage substance abuse,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]? Current literature reveals two broad categories:
1. Increased indicator of psychoticism;
2. Exacerbated impaired relations
3. Negative self-image and
4. Suicide attempts (Newcomb 1993)
Later studies revealed four specific negative effects in adulthood associated with teenager and increased cocaine use into young adulthood. These were:
The use of cocaine has been associated with emotional deterioration and psychosocial problems in clinical and survey populations. In one study, teenagers were followed for one year. The extent of their cocaine was limited (Newcomb 1993).
Author's Bio:&nbsp,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych];
By Connie Limon
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Continued in Part 2
Teenagers experiment with alcohol and other drugs so frequently that it is often considered the norm of their generation and environment. There have been numerous studies focusing on understanding the factors that influence teenager’s patterns of drug use (Steinberg and Fletcher, June 1994).
Results were cocaine use in this sample showed no significant increases or decreases in eight measures of emotional distress. It was felt that negative effects may take longer to appear as with psychiatric disturbances (Newcomb 1993).
This series of articles reviews briefly possible effects of teenage substance abuse, some possible reasons why teenagers become addicted to substances and human services prevention plan.
The rate of teenage suicide has increased significantly in the recent years as have rates of teenage substance abuse. However, the relationship between substance abuse and adolescent suicide remains unclear. A literature review found the most important risk factors for completed and attempted suicide in teenagers are mental disorders (mood disorders and disruptive behavior disorders) and substance abuse (Rowan 2001).
Resources:
Steinberg,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], L., & Fletcher,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], A. (1994,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], June). Parental monitoring and peer influences on adolescent substance use. Pediatrics, 93 (6),[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], 1060,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Retrieved June 9, 2008, from Academic Search Premier database
Denton, R., & Kampfe, C. (1994, Summer). The relationship between family variables and adolescent substance abuse: A literature review. Adolescence, 29(114), 475. retrieved June 9, 2008, from Academic Search Premier database
Newcomb, M., Scheier, L., & Bentler,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], P. (1993, October). Effects of adolescent drug use on adult mental health: A prospective study of a community sample. Experimental and Clinical Psychopharmacology, 1(1), 215-241. Retrieved June 9, 2008, doi:10.1037/1064-1297.1.1-4.215
Rowan, A. (2001). Adolescent substance abuse and suicide. Depression and Anxiety (1091-4269),[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], 14 (3), 186-191. Retrieved June 9, 2008, from Academic Search Premier database
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However, it's critical that you get this part handled as it's the foundation of all your success with women and dating. And if all you did was get this part handled, your success with women will skyrocket. Evidence by the fact that women complain about it a lot.

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A strong root requires space and room to grow; the soil needs to be prepared to plant the seed. This means getting to work on clearing and uncluttering your home and office space. This will free your energy - that's right - clear the way to let the new you evolve. Have you ever been to a seminar that you felt was life changing? Then you came home with all these new tools to make a fresh start, only to find that you are back to where you were before 3 days later? Why? Your environment was not conducive for the new you.
This revelation in itself filled me with the passion to discover how we can go about being the person we want to be,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], having what we want to have, doing what we want to do and achieve our life goals, no matter what our present circumstances.
T.R. Raphael said in his book Feng Shui Step by Step:
For many years, I have been on a journey of discovery. Discovery of the self, my environments and beyond. It has been a journey of continuous learning, which has led me to the most exciting revelation that every single human being has - it is within - the power to be who he or she wants to be. Most of us are nowhere near our true potential.
"Your home breathes like a living body. Its breath...comes in and out through the doors and windows and flows through corridors and rooms. When it flows unobstructedly,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], it imparts the sensations of ease and comfort. But when its flow is obstructed due to clutter, the opposite happens: [it] becomes obstructed,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the elements in your body become unbalanced, and your health and affairs suffer."
Success with one single area will already help you feel more complete and you'll be eager to address the other areas. Then you'll have the clarity to arrange the contents in your home and office the way it suits YOU. You will begin to have more and more energy, which will open the door to ridding your other environments of the less than perfect aspects.
2. Go through the same process at your office.
Take a look at your files. Files have to be well organized for fast retrieval. In this fast moving world, you can't afford to get frustrated and overwhelmed, disorganized documentation impedes progress and de-motivates.
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1. Go through your house, room-to-room, basement, garage, etc., twice at each level.
The first time,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], throw out all items that are of no value to anyone and are broken.
The second time, pull the items that have some value, but no longer to you. Donate these to your favorite charity. Repeat this process until there is nothing around that you do not need.
I cannot stress this enough! You can't function when you are surrounded by clutter! Stuff you have not looked at in years, clothes that are not in mint condition,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], no longer fit or don't look good on you. Books in the basement that have not been picked up or looked at in years, equipment that is not working, a house or office with bad lighting.
Clutter is a funny thing... it has a life of its own and seriously zaps your energy. When you leave the house or office - guess what? - it comes along. It's cluttering up your mind,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], which affects your stress level and your well being.
Why do some people seem to have it all, while others struggle? Have you ever wondered how someone, less talented than you,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], seems to be doing far better in life? How do they do it? Are they just lucky or have they reached their potential and you have not? That is not the reason; a lot of it has to do with attitude, the energy we exude and a willingness to face fears, which is a by-product of our internal and external environments.
To get you started I'd like to share a tool with you that will rid you of some of the debris in your physical environment. Take it one step (or leap) at a time.
Don't be stressed, take a deep breathe and here we go:
The key to building a rock solid foundation is to become AWARE of your environments. You are the product of your environments. Therefore, it only makes sense to intentionally design them to be supportive, inspiring and stimulating. Your immediate environments include the Physical, the Self, Family, Friends, Relationships, Nature,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Finance and the Spiritual - Success begins with you and the environments you create.
By Ute Lawrence
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I have used the Feng Shui principles of placement at the office and the home and both spaces now exude a feeling of comfort and stimuli.
5. Examine the lighting at your home and office.
Good lighting plays an important role for your well-being especially for people who suffer from SAD (seasonal affective disorder) in the winter months.
If we really want to reach our full potential we need to dig deep and look at the many aspects of building a solid foundation or how I like to put it "creating an environment for a strong root system that allows us to evolve in a powerful way." The taller we want to stand the stronger the root system needs to be so that as you begin to grow you are not blown over by even the smallest storm,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
3. Free yourself of the frustration of broken equipment at home and the office.
Are your appliances, machinery, equipment,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], car working well? Notice immediately when something is in less than good order. Repair or replace it immediately or have an expert do it for you.
6. Now, take a look at your clothes.
Do they fit, are they out of date, are they in good repair and most of all do they make YOU look terrific?
4. Upgrade your computer, your tools and equipment on a regular basis (within budget).
Take your time! Look at this process for what it is - a positive move to simplify your life,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. Address whichever area is most important to you right now.
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However, it's critical that you get this part handled as it's the foundation of all your success with women and dating. And if all you did was get this part handled, your success with women will skyrocket. Evidence by the fact that women complain about it a lot.

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The following five actions are designed to assist in dealing with overcoming resistance caused by the Identity Factor and conditioning yourself for change by expanding self-awareness. Be patient as you make changes. Also adapt to small shifts before attempting larger ones. Any time you feel a sense of resistance, avoid criticizing yourself; instead, relax and prepare to renew your efforts.
Your financial identity is made up of your thoughts, beliefs, emotions, behaviors,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and your relationship with money. Gaining clarity about your financial identity can assist you in recognizing signs of resistance to financial change and in dealing with the disorientation that is likely to occur as your financial position advances.
If you resisted performing the previous action, ask yourself these questions:
• How will making a financial change affect my feelings about myself?
• What am I afraid might happen if I achieve financial success?
• Will feeling financially secure threaten my concept of myself?
• Will it alter my relationships with my peers or family of origin?
• Would my prosperity signify betrayal to a peer, or perhaps disloyalty to a family member?
A journal is an ideal place for defining your current situation and tracking your progress as you condition your muscles for financial change. Use it also to record your fears or resistance,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], affirm your successes, make note of questions that arise, or express your reactions to change. Date each entry so you can return to it later and assess your progress.
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Enlisting the help of a friend to work with can increase your motivation to minimize discomforts and make your progress to a new financial position more enjoyable. Sharing information about financial behavior, an uncommon practice,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], opens up new avenues of authentic expression and often releases considerable shame associated with financial habits. Choose someone with whom you feel comfortable sharing personal information. Agree to exchange experiences once or twice a week for a specified amount of time, such as thirty minutes per session, divided equally between you. The sessions will ideally take place either in person or on the phone to allow for immediate feedback. During each session, take turns noting the progress made since the last session, describing the discomforts experienced such as alienation or disorientation, asking for feedback if desired,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and declaring what you will do before the next session. Avoid judging your buddy’s behavior or giving unsolicited advice, which may only lead to conflict. Instead, give encouragement by praising your buddy’s progress.
When Sharon first called me after reverting to old spending habits, she was disappointed in herself for sabotaging her progress. Once she understood she had been protecting her old identity, however, she realized her actions were not self-sabotaging but self-protective. She saw that because she did not recognize herself as a person who behaved responsibly with money, she had protected her identity by resorting to familiar behaviors with more predictable outcomes. Over time, she learned how to work through the discomfort imposed by changed behaviors and began to develop new money muscles, which helped her recommit to her financial plan.
5. Examine any resistance to financial change
Along with threatening a person’s self-concept, significant change can also affect peer and family relationships. Since people know you as the person you once were, any change in your attitudes or behaviors requires them to respond to you differently, and consequently undergo a change of their own. Friends or family members who are not amenable to changing might try to stymie your progress—a situation likely to compound your discomfort with fears of ultimately being left alone. Fortunately, while conditioning yourself for change you will see that being alone is not inevitable. You can always redefine earlier relationships with friends and family,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and also develop new relationships with people reflecting your changed state of being, who will invariably come into your life.
The Identity Factor, an internal mechanism that protects a person’s concept of who they are and their place in the world,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], is where resistance to change often originates. If you’re used to just getting by, suddenly having more than enough money can easily threaten your sense of self and activate the Identity Factor. When this happens, people typically either procrastinate or revert to old behaviors, protecting their familiar lifestyle at all costs—proving that even desired changes, when they finally do occur, can leave us feeling alienated, unsafe, and confused.
By Joan Sotkin
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You may think having more money will make things easier, but that’s not necessarily the case. Changing your financial position means making adjustments in your attitude and lifestyle that you may not have anticipated. Take the example of Sharon, a former client of mine who had gotten herself into significant debt. With the help of a credit counselor, Sharon devised a plan to gradually eliminate her credit card debt, stop using credit cards, and keep better financial records. For three months, she faithfully followed the program and delighted in the progress she saw—but in the fourth month, she started slipping behind in her payments and twice borrowed money from a friend. Ashamed, she stopped keeping track of her spending and within six months was back where she had started, increasing her debt, avoiding financial tasks, and only vaguely aware of her expenditures.
To condition yourself for financial growth, take one small step toward managing your money differently. Possibilities include the following:
• Write down how much money you earn and spend in one day.
• Pay a week’s worth of bills on time.
• Stop using your favorite credit card.
• Save money you would normally spend,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], even if it is only a dollar a week.
• Give some money away.
• Go for one day without spending money.
With money,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], as with weights, it makes sense to gradually develop the muscles needed to safely and comfortably reach increasingly higher levels of proficiency. These exercises will help you do that by gradually boosting your financial awareness and aptitude while enhancing your understanding of the internal blocks holding you back from sustained wealth. In removing these blocks, you naturally become better equipped to support yourself and manage money well—stepping stones to not only a rosier financial future but a more satisfying life.
Excerpted and adapted, with permission, from Build Your Money Muscles: Nine Simple Steps to Improving Your Relationship with Money by Joan Sotkin (Prosperity Place, 2006). Available from bookstores everywhere or direct from the publisher at [link widoczny dla zalogowanych]
Actions for Financial Change
As you make this change,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], notice your feelings and record them in your prosperity journal. If you are aware of discomfort but unable to associate it with particular feelings, for now just note the discomfort.
To begin, following the format shown in the sidebar, profile each component of your financial identity in your prosperity journal, leaving space for future entries. Listen for statements you repeatedly make about your finances, especially those starting with “I,” such as “I’m never going to make enough money” or “I feel stuck.” In listing your behaviors, notice whether you avoid taking financial risks or tend instead to be more confident. Are you generous or prone to stinginess? Do you have a positive or negative outlook toward your financial future?
2. Find a prosperity buddy
Everyone wants more money. But if tomorrow you received a substantial raise or inherited $100,000,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], would you know what to do with the excess?
1. Create a prosperity journal
3. Define your financial identity
The Identity Factor
4. Change one financial behavior
What happened? Sharon slid back into old habits because she hadn’t developed the muscles she needed to effectively manage her money. Money muscles are like physical muscles—if they’re not used regularly,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], they atrophy. If, like Sharon, you aren’t accustomed to handling surplus funds, your muscles in that area may be weak, leading to poor money management or ill-informed decisions that cause you to lose your newfound stash. So preparing for prosperity must include not only making or attracting more money into your life but conditioning the muscles you’ll need once it arrives. To bolster your money muscles, it’s essential to become familiar with what I call the Identity Factor.
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When you work from home, there are plenty of excuses to avoid getting down to business. One of the most frequent reasons clients give me for procrastinating about their work is that they just don’t like their home office.